Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
