They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
someone owes me an orgasm
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize