today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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