You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
