I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
