I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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