Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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