your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
