Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
