You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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