i permit you to call me
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize