eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
