I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize