You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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