he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
