u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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