i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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