Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
