piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
