Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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