Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
