Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
