You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
