hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
