dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
