Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
