she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
