sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
