I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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