Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We are two peas in an std pod
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
