you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
