...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
