So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
