The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
