Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
