Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
