Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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