why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
