It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
