I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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