i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
