I'm lost and stupid without you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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