I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's the barista slut.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
