Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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