you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
