dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
