If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
