I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
