god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
