Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My bed smells like the plague
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
