i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm really busy with my period
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