Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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