I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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