Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
