Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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