my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
