I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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