She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
