I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
