Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
