I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize