textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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