I'm drive I can fine osifer
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
