I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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