I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
