it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
