just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize