My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
