halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
