im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
