you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
