Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
