I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
