She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
