So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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